How This Brochure Could Have Been Better
Yesterday I picked up a brochure for a new rental business. Along with porta-potties, they’ll supply the tables, chairs, tablecloths, glasses, etc. for your next party. In fact, if your house is too small, they’ll even rent you a tent.
It was a home-made brochure and had no graphics. But that wouldn’t have been so bad if it had contained some kind of “reasons why” anyone would want their services.
Instead, page 2 was a warning: “We’ll deliver this stuff, but we’ll charge you extra for delivery. And we aren’t going to set it up or take it down. Furthermore, you’d better make sure everything is clean before we get there to pick it up – and you’d better have it stacked in one spot, ready for us. Oh, and if you lose any of our stuff… look out!”
It goes on to explain that all rentals must be paid for in full 14 days before the event. If you’ve reserved ahead and cancel within 25 days of the event, they’ll keep the 50% deposit.
Oh my…
How about a first page that entices… that spells out the reasons why renting from them is so much more convenient and cost-effective than buying those tables, chairs, glasses, etc. and having to store them when not in use?
How about suggestions for times when these items would fill a need?
How about including a photo or two of their equipment all set up and looking attractive?
How about leaving all those dire warnings for the last page? You know, AFTER you’ve convinced your readers that they really want what you have to offer?
And then, in place of a snotty “you have to do this yourself” message, (noted in all caps, by the way) how about “Sorry, we can’t do set up and tear-down, but we can give you a list of individuals who would like the job.”
I just shook my head.
Posted: April 14th, 2010 under advertising, business writing, flyers, marketing.
Tags: advertising, copywriting, customer service, effective marketing, marketing, marketing copy, small business
Comments
Comment from Marte
Time April 15, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Thanks for stopping by Rick.
And you’re right – I sure wouldn’t call this company after reading their brochure – even if their policies might be the same as everyone else’s!
Comment from Rick Itzkowich
Time April 15, 2010 at 11:33 am
Marte,
How true this is. People have no clue how they “shoot in the foot” all the time when it comes to their marketing. They may have a phenomenal product or service, however their first experience with us may be their brochure. And based on what you wrote, there won’t be a chance for a second experience. Sad but true.