Marketing with Words – What did you just say?
When we write, we know what we mean to say. But sometimes the way we arrange the words makes it difficult for a reader to know what we mean.
For example:
Yesterday I got a Google alert that one of my articles had been picked up for someone’s blog. This time the article and my resource box had been through an “article spinner,” which generally creates nonsense.
Interestingly, when this happens, they quite often take the phrase “retired home builder” and change it to “old bag builder.” (This is a reference to my husband in my bio.)
I would hope that everyone knows what I meant when I wrote “retired home builder,” but what is an “old bag builder?”
Does he build old bags?
Is he old and he builds bags?
Is he an old bag?
Whatever it was supposed to mean, the reader has to stop and think about it – and may come to the wrong conclusion.
Newspaper journalists are notorious for writing sentences that confuse because they put the modifiers in the wrong place.
Here’s a recent example, from an article about someone who caught a tagged fish that was worth $1,000.
“Of the 825 fish turned in since early spring, four have had tags worth money that have been returned to the department.”
Huh?? What does that sentence say??
If they wrote “four that have been returned to the department have had tags worth money” it would make sense. But the way it’s written you have to stop and ask if they mean the money was returned. If so, “have” should have been “has.”
So… after you write it, read it. Check to see if your meaning is clear and if your modifiers are in the right places. And just to be on the safe side, ask someone else to read it too.
When you market with words, you want the message to flow. You definitely don’t want anyone to stop and wonder what you meant. When that happens, your momentum is lost and you send your reader away from the thoughts and feelings that you are trying to evoke.
Posted: June 27th, 2010 under copywriting, marketing, word choices.